I wish I knew this earlier

 Things I wish I learned earlier about myself. 

Things that I wish I had known earlier and wish I had done before to prevent where I am right now. 

You have the feeling that you are stuck and you don't know what you want, you don't know what you are made for, well this is the feeling I have had for now a while. I know this blog should be like Oh wow look what I have learned and stuff like that, but the thing I only learned one thing, I don't know what I want.  I am very confused all I know is that I have learned math physics and everything and it's been great. I also have learned something about myself. I have learned that I love pottery it's very relaxing I enjoy putting my phone down and just relaxing while trying to make a shape out of clay, It is a very relaxing process it's like meditation you don't have to worry about social media or anything else. For 1 straight hour, you just work with clay, and it's a great way to think about something else that is not school, home stuff, or social media.  

 This year was something very stressful but very interesting, I have learned that I can write and if I try to write more maybe I can make better blogs?? Hahaha. I don't know about that.  Anyway, something else that I found out is that I was good with kids and that is why I decided to go into pediatrics. It is something I realized a few months ago, it's not the first path that I wanted to take during college but it is something that I am considering at this point. I have been working with kids for two years, I have taught different age groups and have taught them how to swim and I realized that I enjoy teaching (to some extent) and making the kids improve their skills. I want to make the kids well and be able to communicate with their parents to help them out with anything they need.  I think it's something that I never thought I would do because I was always kinda made as an engineer but it would have never suited me.  So. I  will see if I can make a good pediatrician. 

Something else that has stuck with me is that i never even wanted to be an engineer it was something that my parents wanted me to be, i have been following only want other people want me to do and never even questioning what I want. That is something I wish I had realized earlier because now all the questions about who I want to be when I grow up I just switch the topic because I am simply afraid of the future and not being able to really want anything or have an opinion of myself. I haven't learned how to deal with it, i have no idea how to deal with it all i know its the never-ending suffering in my head that has been stuck with me ever since my senior year. I wish i learned what I wanted and developed, becaus now I am simply living the life my parents want me to live. 

Overall if I could have said something to my past self before I would have grown up not being afraid of voicing what I want and found something that I am passionate about and stuck to it. 

Anyway yeah, there is nothing more I want to say.

pottery I made.

Self-developing is something I wish i ever pushed away and multiple things that i have done is running and doing pottery, it helps take care of things that I don't want to think about. I think it's a great way to escape reality even though I need to learn how to face it and run away from it. 

I get my parents and why they tried to push me and get me going and di am very thankful for them, Its just now i need to be able to push myself by myself and I am very scared to do that.