Progress check

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 Woohoo second semester!! Woohoo 114 days left of being a senior...

It feels like it was just yesterday that I started my final year in high school, yet after each day passes we are getting closer and closer to graduation.  In just a few months I will turn 18 and teenage life will creep into adulthood as college gets closer. 

That thought has been sitting at the back of my mind and every time it pops up I realize how close that idea is to becoming my new reality. It's scary. I don't blame anyone anxious to start their life anew. 

The truth is that we are not the same people we were at the beginning of the year, i am even saying we are not even the same as 4 years ago. In the time that has passed, I will focus on the changes that have been made during the first semester of this year.

The beginning of the first semester was stressful. Letter of recomandiotns and letters that you have to complete before the first deadline. It's hard really to focus on other things like school when you are worrying about trying to get into another school.  Reading wasn't really an option. So I didn't read and if I did read it was for English, I didn't read outside of it. 
But on the good side, I was writing essays and oh boy I did.  Essay after essay, theme after theme continuously checking and getting advice until it is perfect to turn in. I improved on my essay and I feel very confident if I ever need to write an essay again.  I mean how hard can writing about yourself really be, well it was very hard, you never know when you come across bragging about something or guilt-tripping but I got it figured out. 
Overall this blog is supposed to reflect on reading and over some achievements. One for sure is that I did start reading more and with the class, it at least kept me busy with reading for the past couple of months. Reading is a skeptical way to enjoy yourself but I really thought reading books that are fiction but based on realistic situations would be boring.  Instead, I find myself enjoying books like The Stranger and Death of the Salesman. Books that showed me a completely different way of thinking. 
A recent book that we are reading, it made me wonder and reflect on who I am and what have i done to be myself as I am. 
letting go was part of it, In books like Stranger the way the main character does not attach himself to anything. At first, it was very weird but the more I think about the more I realize that it would be easier to let go of people or per se  not attach yourself to them 
Having difficulty with letting go the recent book really helped to relict on why ts hard for me to let go. Being the source of happiness, stability, and closure well who knew that same thing could be just memories that will always remind you how good the time was every time you close your eyes, the constant overthinking of what if this or that. They wonder what you could have done differently, well it is time to let go and detach the memories and control the feelings, the medications really work, you close your eyes, and as soon as the memory or thought comes up you recognize it put it in the box and just be able to focus on the peace of mind when it is silent. 

This self-reflection of being able to let go can help in the future like after senior year.  For the rest of the 114 days I want to read a book about habits, that way I can get rid of some habits that make it hard for me to detach people who are no longer in my life, detach my negative mind from who I am and be able to recognize that I am not those memories I am not those emotions I am me and I want to stay me. It is hard to enjoy life if you are constantly sabotaging it.

But being able to recognize is something that I thought I wouldn't be able to do in the beginning of the high schooler or senior year. But here I am finally getting my mind into better habits and helping myself by trying to read and write more about my feelings or thoughts. 

with constant worry about the future and about tomorrow you don't have time to slow down and focus on right now and self-reflect. 
That's why it is important to meditate read or write, you can self-reflect and be able to organize your thoughts. 
So go read. 
me when I read 10 books in a month during covid year.



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