Read or dont read? Thats the big question.

 Face it we all didn't meet the reading goal. 

Or maybe it's just me. 

Throughout the week we have talked about meeting our goal to read at least 2 hours a week. But let's just face it, most of us are either near the end or not only halfway done with the book.  Personally, I am going to rat myself out on this one but I am halfway finished with my book, don't get me wrong I absolutely love the book and I love the author who wrote the book, but I just haven't had time to sit down and enjoy the book as much as I want to. I don't like rushing through the book so when I found out about the deadline I was kinda iffy about being able to finish the book. I could either finish the book by spending all night reading or b read another new book parallelly to what I am reading now, but that would require me to go to the library and check the book again. Overall reading a book 2 hours a day seemed like an easy task, but that was not the case. I found myself to be exhausted to a level I never knew where even I would read everything wouldn't make any sense. and that is where the question comes in, read the book without consciously understanding the book or don't read and wait for the day when everything will make sense, either you will just reread the whole page 10 times or read 10 pages in a short period of 15 minutes. I would rather wait but that's when the deadline comes in and that adds pressure. Overall when I do read, I want to read without anyone saying "Go do something better and useful".  I view reading a book literally as viewing a show, I go on the whole day imagining all the scenes I read and catch myself thinking "What was that show again" or "It's such a good movie and I am not even done with it" only than I realize that is all in my head and I just was too consumed in my book. That is what I want, I want to be able to relax read a book, and imagine everything like it is a show.  That's when I can fully submerge myself in an experience and just not worry to meet the deadline.

Also about enjoying the book, many of us hate spoilers whether it's in the book or in the movie well know what we talked about in English some audiences watch for example a play knowing how it ends but they watch it for the plot, I relate to it because...

 I SPOIL MY BOOKS.  I google about characters and watch fanart to visualize the characters and in the end, I know the ending. I read to understand how everything just started to go downhill with the character or what triggered the events that will result in the spoiled event. That is what makes my book experience more I don't know exciting, that way I spoiled a lot of books for example Glass Sword and the rest of the books of those Chronicles by  Victoria Aveyard, I am inpatianet and that can obviously ruin things if the spoiler doesn't appeal my view of the story. But knowing the ending can sometimes be beneficial it can really say if you are wasting the time on the story or not. 

I think I lost track of my Thoughts, that's just how many came up when I started to write. ANYWAYS. 

Unfortunately, I can't spoil my life and know what happens in it. I think a lot of it results from my deep wanting to be able to see the future in order to either like it or not, it creates a sense of control that at any minute you can google what would happen and it can help you ease your mind. But you can't google your future, you don't know what will happen next, and that's what's so scary about living, at any point, there can be a plot twist that will set you up for failure or success, but you can't control it. You can't stop living just because you are scared of what can happen or you don't like it right now, it's not like books where you choose to stop reading whether you like it or not, and that's why-

 I spoil my books because I can stop reading them at any point just because I don't like them or to know what will happen.

That's the only sense of control I have over my life. 

Because  I can't spoil my life so, I can't stop living if  I don't like it or don't know what will happen. 

THis shouldnt  have gone deep lmao.