self-centeredness

 Self-centeredness is not as bad as Wallace says it is.

Why reasonable self-centeredness is good when you are in harmony with yourself.

Self-centeredness or like Wallace said "natural default setting" is viewed in a very harsh and negative way. Thinking only about yourself and not paying attention to anyone else but yourself is the most common way of thinking. Since we can't control that mindset. But getting used to "sacrificing yourself for other people" is not a good way of thinking too. While yes you might think about excuses they might have to be either mean or just act like they are. Well... it's not great. I myself tried to be open-minded and not get driven by "natural default setting" and now I don't even know what to think for myself. It started by dismissing others after they so masterfully made me think that I am the problem that my emotions about being mad and frustrated are invalid and that I have to think about others and not myself. So I did.  Every day I get pushed around or people make comments about what I do or what I don't. Every day people would blame others for their actions and not themselves. In the end, it made me stop thinking about what I want and start thinking about what other people want or have been through. Oh, she was mean to me, maybe I did something to make her mad.  I can't get mad cause I keep thinking that other people have it worse, I can't get frustrated cause other people have it worse, and I can't feel anything that is considered to be self-centeredness cause well you gotta think about other people, and what excuses they have saved up to make you feel guilty of your reasonable self-centeredness.

Well, let me say that excusing people for their action cause of the motive is completely unworthy. For example, if a guy cuts you off and caused an accident would actually think about his motive for cutting you off or the aftermath of him cutting you off? Like lost vehicles or any injuries. His motive could be that something happened, but his action and aftermath had a greater impact on you than his motive. Motive and action are completely different and can be forged. You can cut people off in traffic and then make up an excuse to wiggle yourself out with just a warning from a police officer.  Reasonable Self-centeredness is not just being focused on yourself but you can answer for your action without pitting and excusing yourself with just a made-up or right motive cause your action has consciousness no matter how good or bad your motive is.

Let's take a look at something that also can relate to reasonable self-centeredness. Self harmony, self-love, harmony in the family, just harmony overall in your life. Then you can help other people deal with their skeletons and help them, and you can love the world around you. But what if you are not in harmony with yourself, and your family,  you can't help anyone cause you have to put your harmony first. For example, I watched the movie "The man called Ove" let's just say its a very sad movie about a guy who dislikes people and only likes to focus on himself and he fell in love with a woman that absolutely loved the world around her, never giving up and always helping people. While they lived together he also liked the world but only cause there was a humane he loved was in it. Even when she lost a child and became handicapped she never gave up she wasn't mad at the world, she kept being positive and building her family. But nothing lasted long. When she died, so did that world that he loved died. He didn't want to focus on other people he focuased only on what was right for himself. Until he met a woman his neighbore with kids. She opened his eyes and helped him love not only himself but the world around him. You can't give the world anything if you don't have harmony inside yourself. 

Wallace really showed how people with no harmony inside view the world. He views it as gloomy and that everyone is so self-centered and self-conscious about their thinking. But a good way is to focus on the people around them without thinking about what they need first. Even if he is siad that he is not making us do it, he talked  90% of his essay about how it is bad to be self-centered and thinking in their "default setting" is wrong.

Reasonable self-centeredness is good because it helps you reach your harmony inside. With that harmony, it will be easier to help people and to think about other people without drowning in your suffering without knowing how to help people. Without harmony, you have nothing to offer to those people and those people have nothing to offer to you.  You can't help people if you can't help yourself.

Treat others like you want them to treat you.